Left behind

Dear A,

I know that I complain that it takes ages  for you to gather your things and say goodbye to your friends and make the short trip to the car so that we can finally set off home after a long day at school. Yes, it is fairly annoying to be  the search party that looks  for your missing hat, shoe, leotard, lunch box or homework contract nearly every day. I really do not like to implore, coax, plead with you to finish your lunch/dinner because you take forever. You promise to wash your face in the mirror and then forget all about it and spend your time chasing soap bubbles in the bathroom instead. A routine trip to get your homework books from the study takes a long time because you see your stuffed dog on the way and stop to give it a cuddle.

I do not mean to be impatient. I want to spend time listening to your tales, watching your antics and sharing your world – you must believe me. And then suddenly, on a day like today when the rain will not let up and the sky’s murmur reminds me of your constant chatter, I miss you with an ache so powerful that I need all my self control to leave work and pick you up from school.  I want to take you home and sit next to the roaring fire and count the raindrops – for no matter how long it takes. If we miss a raindrop, we will simply start again. I want to make us hot chocolate and bake us a cake and have an indoors picnic with your stuffed toys. I miss the days when you were the dimpled baby asleep in the next room – I was never too far away to stop time, it was easy then.

Somewhere along the way, as you learnt to walk and talk and step outside the front door and amble into the backyard and then the greater world that lay beyond the confines of our fence,  Time became a miser. It gave lesser and lesser, yet it had so many demands.

I do not ask you to hurry up because there is any better place to go to, nothing can be sweeter than being with you, wrapped securely in our little world of crayons and stories and giggles and secrets. Rather, I ask you to keep up with me because I am scared of being left behind. One day soon, you will not need a reminder to pack your bag, finish your lunch, wash your face or hurry up with your work. Soon you will not chase bubbles all day or spend ages talking to your stuffed toys and dolls. One day soon you will have a world that will be new and real and built on the foundation of your relationships and friendships and dreams. And as much as we both deny this now, one day I will not be the centre of your universe anymore, your world will flourish and grow while I take the role of the bystander.

One day soon no matter how much I try, or how fast I walk, I will be left behind.

And when that does happen, could you perhaps leave the stuffed toys and the bubble maker behind for me? It is not like I am going to be in a great rush to get anywhere then.




6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rajavel
    Sep 03, 2010 @ 14:36:44

    Wonder what triggered that ! “Move on” sounds nice when others do to others.


  2. Captain Nemo
    Sep 03, 2010 @ 16:36:25

    This one’s a heartbreaker. I can totally relate to it 😦


  3. Poornima
    Sep 03, 2010 @ 18:49:02

    Hi Scarlett,
    Very touching post indeed. I miss my mom now and can understand why she was upset for months after I left home for the first time – though she never made it obvious. I can understand the enthusiasm in her voice over each phone call.

    I can understand all this now – but not then. Let me give her a quick call and make her day!



  4. ardra
    Sep 03, 2010 @ 22:28:08



  5. IW
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 13:57:57



  6. Sandhya Kapoor
    Sep 17, 2010 @ 16:30:03

    Scarlett, you can make me cry…… 😦


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