Not here yet

The weather is so perfect today that I should not be here. I should be outdoors with Miss A, chasing tattoos made by the sunlight on the thankful lawn. I should be driving through the backstreets of the hilly suburbs around my house, pointing out the pinks and the oranges and purples to her, I should be telling her that there is immense beauty in acts of goodbye, just like the sunset.

I should be walking across crinkly autumn foliage with her, our feet in perfect rhythm with leaves that were once brave and green and are now gentle and almost broken. I should be inhaling giant gulps of crisp mountain air, I should have her little hand in mine.

Instead, I am at work and she is at vacation care. I went for a walk during my lunch break and she must have gone to the picnic arranged by the school carers. We both shared slivers of the obscene sky, we just did not do it together. I am leaving work soon to pick her up and I hope that the sun stays put and the blueness of the sky hangs around for just another hour.

Some day, she will be a grown up person in a different country, in a different time zone perhaps – she will not be at the gum-tree lined school down the road. There will be many more perfect days in our future –  just like there will be many more cloudy nights.

One day, she will not be a few footsteps, a few traffic signals away, one day she and I will have worlds that do not easily touch.

There is a bend in the road and behind the naked trees, the sky promises to be blue. 

These are beautiful days with dark undertones of everything that will eventually not be. But, the future is not here yet. Sometimes that is such a good thing.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sujatha Bagal
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 23:38:35

    It may not be here yet, but it is so easy to let an imagined, unshared future take over the present. And such an effort to stay rooted in the here and now when the babies are within arms’ reach.

    Reply

  2. Rajavel Manoharan (@RajavelMano)
    Apr 18, 2012 @ 14:58:10

    Wow ! How you weave emotions and allusions with whats right in front ! 🙂 Lovely !

    Reply

  3. Vic Krishnan
    Apr 19, 2012 @ 12:16:52

    nice and nostalgic

    Reply

  4. scarlettletters
    Apr 21, 2012 @ 18:34:15

    Sujatha, how lovely to see you here! Welcome. You are very right, the future sits on the doorstep, never really walking in but never really going away either. A sullen guest with a suitcase full of hidden gifts.
    Rajavel, thank you. You are awesome for commenting on my scribbles 🙂
    Vic, thanks. How have you been?

    Reply

  5. enig
    Apr 28, 2012 @ 11:19:09

    lovely post, Scarlett. Such trivial our day to day quests are sometimes in front of innocence, childhood and those precious memories, that in future will never be… You have an amazing way with words, always leaves a tug at heart or a smile, sometimes both 🙂

    Reply

  6. scarlettletters
    May 08, 2012 @ 14:07:14

    Enig, how have you been? Love it when you drop by and glad you liked this 🙂

    Reply

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